Monday, February 19, 2007

This little piggy went to the poediatrist

Let’s talk about my feet today—I know, you’ve all been DYING TO! LOL
My dad says I have little dwarf feet, my husband says they’re cube—same length and width……my good friend Allison says I’m like Barbie in that it’s a wonder I can stand upright without falling over “you’ve got these tiny little pegs for feet, and lets be honest, you’re kind of top heavy” (gee, thanks)………it’s true though—most girls who are 5 foot 8 wear bigger than a size 6 ½ gym shoe, but not me……….but when it comes to dress shoes I have to wear a 7 ½, because I have wide feet—we’re talking broad side of a barn wide here—and as much as I’d like to wear those cute little pointy toed (“pizza slice” as Jason says) shoes in my normal size—I just can’t—and I have to go up nearly a whole size to compensate for said fat toes and feet.
So, I get blisters and corns and I just deal with it, because in the words of my good friend Tracie, “fashion over function”…………..but alas, function was sitting on my shoulder smoking a cigar and laughing at the CHA show, as I wore my matching little pink shoes. Damn you fashion! So, my toes were hurting at night and after the show—I figured, “eh, it will go away in a couple days” then my toenails seemed to be turning another color—with no help of polish---just decided to turn…and then I realized there were blisters and some blood underneath my toenails (EW!!!)-------and “smart” Chelsea decides home surgery is always a wise solution………………I’ll skip the really gruesome parts now (you can thank me later)—and just say I was left with a good 1/3 inch separation between my toe and the nail—like I could see under it! Oh dear god, what has fashion done to me? I’ll tell you—now 2 ½ weeks after CHA, it has left me nail-less, that’s right, yours truly, miss “I love open toed shoes” will have to hide her piggies for a few months or camouflage them under paint-to-skin treatment because she no longer has nails on her big toes. You know, you never really appreciate your toe nails, until you don’t have them anymore. I admit, I took one little piggy, well-2 little piggies for granted……..and for god sakes, I’ve already come to accept that I’ll never have real toenails on my pinky toes (it’s hereditary), but just a clump of sorts, I really only have 6 little piggies left!
Damn you fashion, Damn you.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Ki Kruk said...

Oh my goodness Chels, that's hilarious! But I hear ya on the suffering for fashion! I've worn uncomfortable shoes but never to the point of losing toenails! ouch!!! Wishing open-toed shoes in your very near future for you! Grow toenails, grow!

February 20, 2007  
Anonymous Andrea said...

Wow. This is not surprising, not to mention, totally disgusting. It reminds me of the time that I saw you cut off several layers of epidermis on your heel with a dull Swiss Army knife.

February 21, 2007  

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