This little piggy went to the poediatrist
Let’s talk about my feet today—I know, you’ve all been DYING TO! LOL
My dad says I have little dwarf feet, my husband says they’re cube—same length and width……my good friend Allison says I’m like Barbie in that it’s a wonder I can stand upright without falling over “you’ve got these tiny little pegs for feet, and lets be honest, you’re kind of top heavy” (gee, thanks)………it’s true though—most girls who are 5 foot 8 wear bigger than a size 6 ½ gym shoe, but not me……….but when it comes to dress shoes I have to wear a 7 ½, because I have wide feet—we’re talking broad side of a barn wide here—and as much as I’d like to wear those cute little pointy toed (“pizza slice” as Jason says) shoes in my normal size—I just can’t—and I have to go up nearly a whole size to compensate for said fat toes and feet.
So, I get blisters and corns and I just deal with it, because in the words of my good friend Tracie, “fashion over function”…………..but alas, function was sitting on my shoulder smoking a cigar and laughing at the CHA show, as I wore my matching little pink shoes. Damn you fashion! So, my toes were hurting at night and after the show—I figured, “eh, it will go away in a couple days” then my toenails seemed to be turning another color—with no help of polish---just decided to turn…and then I realized there were blisters and some blood underneath my toenails (EW!!!)-------and “smart” Chelsea decides home surgery is always a wise solution………………I’ll skip the really gruesome parts now (you can thank me later)—and just say I was left with a good 1/3 inch separation between my toe and the nail—like I could see under it! Oh dear god, what has fashion done to me? I’ll tell you—now 2 ½ weeks after CHA, it has left me nail-less, that’s right, yours truly, miss “I love open toed shoes” will have to hide her piggies for a few months or camouflage them under paint-to-skin treatment because she no longer has nails on her big toes. You know, you never really appreciate your toe nails, until you don’t have them anymore. I admit, I took one little piggy, well-2 little piggies for granted……..and for god sakes, I’ve already come to accept that I’ll never have real toenails on my pinky toes (it’s hereditary), but just a clump of sorts, I really only have 6 little piggies left!
Damn you fashion, Damn you.
My dad says I have little dwarf feet, my husband says they’re cube—same length and width……my good friend Allison says I’m like Barbie in that it’s a wonder I can stand upright without falling over “you’ve got these tiny little pegs for feet, and lets be honest, you’re kind of top heavy” (gee, thanks)………it’s true though—most girls who are 5 foot 8 wear bigger than a size 6 ½ gym shoe, but not me……….but when it comes to dress shoes I have to wear a 7 ½, because I have wide feet—we’re talking broad side of a barn wide here—and as much as I’d like to wear those cute little pointy toed (“pizza slice” as Jason says) shoes in my normal size—I just can’t—and I have to go up nearly a whole size to compensate for said fat toes and feet.
So, I get blisters and corns and I just deal with it, because in the words of my good friend Tracie, “fashion over function”…………..but alas, function was sitting on my shoulder smoking a cigar and laughing at the CHA show, as I wore my matching little pink shoes. Damn you fashion! So, my toes were hurting at night and after the show—I figured, “eh, it will go away in a couple days” then my toenails seemed to be turning another color—with no help of polish---just decided to turn…and then I realized there were blisters and some blood underneath my toenails (EW!!!)-------and “smart” Chelsea decides home surgery is always a wise solution………………I’ll skip the really gruesome parts now (you can thank me later)—and just say I was left with a good 1/3 inch separation between my toe and the nail—like I could see under it! Oh dear god, what has fashion done to me? I’ll tell you—now 2 ½ weeks after CHA, it has left me nail-less, that’s right, yours truly, miss “I love open toed shoes” will have to hide her piggies for a few months or camouflage them under paint-to-skin treatment because she no longer has nails on her big toes. You know, you never really appreciate your toe nails, until you don’t have them anymore. I admit, I took one little piggy, well-2 little piggies for granted……..and for god sakes, I’ve already come to accept that I’ll never have real toenails on my pinky toes (it’s hereditary), but just a clump of sorts, I really only have 6 little piggies left!
Damn you fashion, Damn you.
posted by Chelsea at
Monday, February 19, 2007
2 Comments:
Oh my goodness Chels, that's hilarious! But I hear ya on the suffering for fashion! I've worn uncomfortable shoes but never to the point of losing toenails! ouch!!! Wishing open-toed shoes in your very near future for you! Grow toenails, grow!
Wow. This is not surprising, not to mention, totally disgusting. It reminds me of the time that I saw you cut off several layers of epidermis on your heel with a dull Swiss Army knife.
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